The Strength Within

“You’re tough.”

I sure as hell didn’t feel it.

My body was drained of all its energy. My legs felt like pieces of lead. My stomach was still unsettled, twisting and turning inside itself. I wasn’t sure when the need to use the bathroom would come again.

“You’re strong.”

The sun was beating down, waves of heat drowning me in sweat. The peak of the mountain seemed so far away. The trail winded across, up and down, steep and covered in rocks. I had no faith in myself. How would I make it? And to think, that fence in the far distance only marked our break for lunch.

“You’re stubborn.”

The last thing I expected, the last thing I wanted, was to get sick when I went on my J-term trip to Nepal. It wasn’t any normal sickness. By a chance of bad luck in our choice of water bottles, one of the other girls and I were chosen as perfect hosts for a parasite: giardia.

It was the most miserable few days of our lives. Feeling weak, with an uneasy stomach and a sensitive sense of smell that would only allow us to nibble at rice, yet we had to continue our trek in the Himalayas. No rest for the wicked. Not to mention that the occasional desire to throw up and the unannounced moments where diarrhea would spring upon us.

This made it worth it.

But through the agony of it all, I learned something important about myself that my professor and our guide continued to tell me through our struggles. It was moments like this, moments when we were in dire need of our inner strength, that it comes out. My inner strength proved to me just how stubborn I was. Through the suffering of it all, I struggled up the mountains, trekking the whole seven hours we had to do that day that it was the worst. Now when I find myself in some awful situation, I realize, I can push through because nothing could compare to that. I’ve done it once. I can do it again.

Lessons from Fourth Graders

I used to think I was happy. It wasn’t until I first stepped foot into a small outskirt village in Granada that I realized what it really meant to be happy. The children there had barely anything more than the clothes on their back and each. They were only in fourth grade, yet they knew what it meant to be grateful more than any of us college students.

While we were down there, we kept jokingly complaining about “first world problems” when our smartphones weren’t connecting to wifi or we had to shower in a small square room with the company of a couple salamanders.  But it was true. We are so privileged back in America and most of the time, none of us realize just the extent of that until we travel to a third world country and the truth is thrown at us.

I learned more from a group of fourth graders than I ever thought possible. They were happy without any of the extra things in life we take for granted. They had fun and enjoyed every moment. They wanted to help us while we built them a play area in the village. They wanted to chat and play games during every free moment. They loved the trip we took to the zoo and for most of them that was their first time on a bus.

They were happy. They were grateful. They didn’t need all the extras in life to be happy. So now when I look at my own life, I realized just how lucky I am to be doing what I’m doing and living the way I am living. So if I ever question my happiness, I just need to think about to those amazing Nicaraguan children and realize that yes, I should be happy with my life. It would be wrong of me to be upset about my phone breaking or not finding the “right” pair of shoes to match a dress. I’m lucky to be alive, to be healthy, to be privileged with everything in my life. I could be off much worse. So I’m happy.